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Thursday, December 13, 2012

Watching Seth walk into the room that day...

"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all.  People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit.  Love hurts.  Feelings are disturbing.  People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous.  How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel?  Pain is meant to wake us up.  People try to hide their pain.  But they're wrong.  Pain is something to carry, like a radio.  You feel your strength in the experience of pain.  It's all in how you carry it.  That's what matters.  Pain is a feeling.  Your feelings are a part of you.  Your own reality.  If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality.  You should stand up for your right to feel your pain." -Jim Morrison

I don't even know what to say.  It still makes my heart race and my eyes tear up when I remember him looking down at me lying in that bed with our baby girl next to me.  I'm sure I looked like a complete mess.  I had been crying and panicking.  Wondering when I was going to wake up from this nightmare.

He walked over to the bed with a panicked look of his own.

He knew.

He knew something was wrong with our baby.  I could see it written all over his face.  I was suddenly glad that I looked a wreck.  At least the first words out of my mouth didn't have to be...
"Sit down. I have some terrible news about the baby."

Nope. I just looked at his face and blurted it out.

"She's blind Seth.  They say she doesn't have any eyes.  Or if she does have eyes they're really small and they probably don't work.  She's blind.  Our baby is blind."

He put Kekoa down on the ground and did what any father would do. 

He began to cry.

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