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Thursday, December 13, 2012

Mother's Day

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." -Anais Nin

After the doctor left my hospital room that day I felt pain like I have never felt pain before.  I started questioning things that I have never questioned before and I began to ask the obvious question, "What the hell just happened to me?"  In a mere 10 minutes my entire life had changed.

The worst thing was, I had to be the one to tell my husband.  He didn't even know yet.  I had to tell this poor guy, who wanted nothing more than to give his children anything and everything in this life, that there were going to be things he wouldn't be able to give his daughter.  I was going to have to break his heart like it had never been broken before.  God damn that doctor for leaving me with this responsibility!!

As it was, though, I couldn't really think of anyone else who should tell him.  I surely didn't want that doctor to come back in here with his emotionless tone and his slightly bored attitude.  I didn't want that guy telling him that all his wonderful dreams of showing his daughter the beauties of desert mountains and Hawaiian sunsets were never going to happen. I had to be strong for him.  I had to pretend that I knew we were going to get through this.  And I was going to have to do it now because he just walked through that hospital room door.  He walked in holding my beautiful baby boy and an armful of balloons and flowers.  Because...it was Mother's Day weekend.

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