Airing Out My Bitchies

Today I am tired of trying to be upbeat and optimistic.  Although I usually am (or at least try to pretend to be) most days because it just feels better, today I am not.  Today I am gloomy Mcgloomster and I don’t want to pretend or try. I was going to FB about it, but then I was like "shit, isn't this what the blog is for? Letting my bitchiness all hang out." 

I think my morning started off badly when my demon child, lovely 2yr old daughter, woke me up at 5:45am by jumping on my head screeching at volume 1,000 “MOOOOMMY! I’M DONE SLEEEEEPIIIINNNGGG!”  I will now need to add search for hearing aids on my list of To Do’s today.

After begging, pleading, bargaining, yelling, and cursing at her to please go back to bed until at least 6:45, I pouted and reluctantly stomped down stairs.  She didn’t hear any of my pleas because apparently when she realized mommy was in a bad mood she high-tailed it to her happy place.  I found her sitting in her favorite spot.  Inside the TV.  Girlfriend could not possible sit any closer to the thing if she tried. 

After turning on Mickey Mouse (good thing that crap comes on early) I made coffee and proceeded to drink somewhere between 3 and 10 cups. I lost track after my 3^rd trip to the bathroom.  It’s my own fault for staying up so late.  I seem to have developed an unhealthy obsession with shows about the paranormal.  Apparently I am not the only one because every month Syfy, the Travel Channel, Bio, and every other channel on cable has added a new ghost show to their repertoire.  Last night it was Ghost Adventures and The Dead Files.

This stuff is serious….and I am fascinated. It drives my husband bonkers.  Sorry honey.  It’s a hobby?  Of course I can’t watch anything during the day so I am forced to stay up late into the night scaring the crap out of myself.   See Ginger?  The reason mommy is in a bad mood is because you force me to watch ghost shows at night. 

After spending some quality time on Facebook I decided that I needed to get out of the house.  Air out my bitchies.  My mom came over and we took the three kids to the park.  It was good and I felt better.  Oli had fun driving her little swivel car. Ginger and Koa ran around screaming and throwing sand.  I decided to take Oli down the slide.  It sounded like a good idea until I turned around and discovered two other children had also decided to go down the slide. 

My immediate thought was “Children, please don’t say anything stupid to me about Oli because I’m just not in the mood for lovely flower and cupcake responses.”  Kids are always asking questions about Oli.  Usually they are just curious.  Sometimes they’re mean, but that doesn’t happen very often.  Today, I just didn’t want to deal with it.  I can’t remember the last time I went to the park with Oli and someone didn’t ask questions about her.

Why doesn’t she talk?  Why doesn’t she walk? What’s wrong with her eyes? Is she a baby?

Normally I just tell them that God made her different and that she is blind.  I’m nice and friendly.  Honestly I would much rather have them ask me questions than just stare at her.  Today I was just tired.  I just wanted to be able to have fun at the park with her with other kids around and not have to answer questions.

Today when the little girl came up to me and asked why she doesn’t talk I just responded “She just can’t.”  I did smile, but then turned my back and walked away with Oli.

I feel bad. I really do. But, today I just couldn’t do it. 

Today I am tired.  And today I am tired of the questions and stares.