Isolation

"If isolation tempers the strong, it is the stumbling-block of the uncertain." -Paul Cezanne

When Oliana was born we lived in a town called Pahrump, an hour outside of Las Vegas.  We had moved there from Vegas only 5 months before her birth.  I took my baby home to a house 1500 miles away from my mom, who lived in Iowa.

 I had never really felt lonely before but, that day I began to realize how alone and completely isolated I was. 

I just wanted my mom.

 I have always been a very independent person but, right then, I just wanted her near me.  I wanted her to hug me and tell me again that I was going to get through this.  And that it really wasn't as difficult as I imagined.  Even though she had never raised a child with a disability, I wanted her advice on how to walk this difficult road that now lay before me.  I had no idea even where to begin.

Going back to that house in Pahrump felt like being abandoned on a sinking ship.
There was no one around that I could use as a life raft when I began to feel like I was drowning. 

There were no doctors or therapists for her in Pahrump.  Oli's nearest physician would be an hour away and I still didn't know exactly what kind of medical complications she might suffer from.

I began to realize what a terrible mistake it had been to move to there. 

I didn't know back then, what living out there in isolation was going to do to me.