“Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can't always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.”
―
Lauren Kate,
Torment
Fortunately because my two small children were in the car with us that cold day in January it ensured that my husband's enthusiasm for an adventure took a back seat. We made it to Oli's surgery appointment unscathed, unstuck and virtually un-traumatized.
It was scary riding with a driver who was unfamiliar driving in the snow on gravel roads in the middle of the desert, but Seth was cautious. We got to the hospital 2 hours late to her appointment. I had gotten a hold of the surgeon when we realized that we were going to be late and she told us to go ahead and come whenever we could.
They prepped Oli for surgery and the nurses whisked my baby girl off to the operating room shortly afterwards. We were assured that Oli was in good hands and were sent to the waiting room.
I had never been the parent of a patient before Oli was born. One time I had to take Kekoa to the ER when he was 4 months old because of a high fever. We were only there long enough to make sure he didn't have an infection and then left.
This was nothing like that.
I knew they were going to be cutting into my baby, however minor the operation was.
THEY WERE GOING TO CUT INTO MY BABY!!!
I had been involved in lots of surgeries with babies before Oli, but none was my child. My heart went out to all of the parents who had sat in those little plastic chairs before me.The parents that I myself, had sent to the waiting room when I was the nurse on duty the day of their child's surgery. Many times I spoke the exact same words spoken to me that morning, "She's in good hands. Everything will be fine."
Of course there are no guarantees. I knew that. I was terrified.
The few hours it took to perform the operation and get Oli into the recovery area were some of the longest hours of my life. Oli has had a few other surgeries since then and it never gets any easier.
Remember I am a worst-case-scenario girl.
I worry about everything from a complete power failure when my girl is still on the ventilator and unconscious down to worrying that the nurse didn't properly swab her IV port before injecting medication into it and subsequently she gets a terrible bacterial infection and her arm falls off.
It's awful!
Luckily none of those things has ever happened.
I want to trust people taking care of Oli. I really do. Most of me has to or else I would drive myself crazy, but this is my baby girl. I can't trust them completely. I don't think any mother ever does.
Moms worry about our children the moment we realize we are having them. It's not any more difficult, I don't think, when you have a child with special needs. We are just given more opportunities to worry. And we are given more opportunities to trust people and have a little faith in them. Sometimes they let you down, but most of the time they don't.
Most of the time my imagination is far worse than reality.
Good thing!! Otherwise my girl would defiantly be missing a few limbs by now.
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