I still remember how you made me feel.

Despite my negative experience with some of the doctors when Oli was born there was one more nurse who would make a profound impact on my memories of those 4 days in the hospital.
Her name was Sharon and she was my labor and delivery nurse.

She was a little bit older than me with exceptionally long, dark blond hair.  She seemed to be just a step out of time with today and wore her bangs in a feathered style around her face.  She was very sweet and one of those warm, compassionate people who make you feel like you've known them forever.

She encouraged me through out my labor and didn't even bat an eye when I threw up moments before Oli's birth.
"It's okay. Happens all the time." She reassures me, even though I am completely mortified having displayed my dinner to her and my OB/Gyn not to mention the NICU doctor I worked with.
 After Oli was born she let me spend a considerable amount of time with her before taking her to the
nursery. She even apologized when she finally laid her in the bassinet to wheel her down the hall.
"I probably should have taken her down 20 minutes ago since she's a little early, but it's so important to bond with your new baby.  Besides, she looks perfect."

 

Two nights later as I'm sitting on the hospital bed I hear a faint knock at the door.  Sharon peeks her head inside.

"Mind if I come in?"

"No. Please, come in." I'm nervous as she sits down on the end of the bed and am wondering if she heard about Oli.  It quickly becomes apparent that she has when I see her eyes fill with tears.

"Oh Shannon. I'm so sorry. One of the other nurses told me about your baby. I just couldn't believe it."

 

"I know. I'm still in shock. Thank you for visiting us."

 

I'm trying to control my own tears now.  Not just because I am again reminded of all that has transpired in less than 48 hours, but because I'm overwhelmed by the amount of empathy radiating from this woman who was a stranger to me two days ago.

"Do you need anything? Can I help you in some way?"

I just gave her a hug, told her thank you and assured her that it was okay and I would be fine.

I should have told her that the simple act of having the courage to walk into my room, cry with me and tell me she was sorry had done more for me than she will ever know.

 

I wish I would have known then, how that moment would  make me feel 5 years later.